So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
