I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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