well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
