just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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