How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
