oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
