my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
