I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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