dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
