He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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