Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
