I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Your penis caused this!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
