So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You're like the curious george of whores
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize