You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
