I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize