Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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