If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
