Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
