I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
