long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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