first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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