If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
