Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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