i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
