oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
