Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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