I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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