Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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