my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
