she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
