at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Two words: nipple clamps
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