I heard we made out
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize