Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
