dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
