Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dick very happy bro
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
