Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
