I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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