after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I look excited, but its just a facade.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
