i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
