I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
