dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
