My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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