This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think i got beer on your cat.
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