Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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