So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
