we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
