What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
