It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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