I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
