he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
