I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize