You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Text me some of your sweat
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