drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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