I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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