hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
