where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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