I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
