sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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