You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
