Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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