Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
