Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
