Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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