After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
how drunk are you?
Several
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
