Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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