umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
