community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
