apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
