I just threw up on my dentist
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
