He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize