If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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