She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
