My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
